Reflections on Rwanda by Pamela & Jessica

Pamela Albert:

I wrote this at 44,000 feet somewhere over Russia. It was dark in the plane with most folks fast asleep but even though I tried, I could not sleep. The events of the past 10 days kept going through my mind and I was compelled to write. So, I wrote in the dark. It was hard to decipher the words I scribbled on the page, but the emotions are undeniable.

Rwanda is often referred to as the “land of a thousand hills” but I think of it as the “land of a million smiles”. Each day we visited co-operatives that World Dance for Humanity supports. On one particular day we witnessed an incredible testimony from two of the co-op leaders. A man and a woman, a perpetrator and a survivor standing side by side. The woman was not only a survivor but a witness to the unimaginable killing of her family by the man standing next to her. The power of this story is not in the testimony of the horror but of the power of forgiveness. This man had to stand before the members of the co-op and in front of this woman and tell his story and then ask for forgiveness. It’s easy to judge this man since we did not hear his story but could clearly see, in his posture and demeanor, his shame. I can only presume that he was an unwilling and yet, for reasons we can’t comprehend, a participant. I have come to believe that the situation was “kill or be killed”. Tough choice. These two people choose to work side by side for the good of the community. They are exemplary humans. For those of us in America, who cannot see the human behind a Democrat or Republican – can you imagine this? This profound forgiveness that comes from the will to survive and the love of all mankind.

In another co-op we were welcomed (and that seems like such a small word to describe this) into a home. It was about 10’ x 10’ with a twin mattress on the floor. The woman and her children who lived there were overjoyed and so proud to show us their home. Joy is an ever-present part of their lives.

We would pull up to a co-op where the members were patiently awaiting our arrival. I felt like royalty. As soon as the doors opened they greeted us with open arms, hugged us as if never wanting us to leave and danced with a joy I cannot describe. If we told them they would be receiving a goat or a cow…well…there is no word for how happy they were.

I’ve never seen as much joy, forgiveness, and profound caring for each other as we saw during the Rwanda trip. The people we visited honored us with smiles, hugs, food, comfort, and love. We came bearing gifts, but they gave us something of far greater value. We cried tears of sadness and joy together. I brought home many gifts for family and friends, and hope that I’ve also brought home patience, kindness, forgiveness, and love.

My gratitude to Janet, Genevieve, Justin, Dany, Chantal and Judy for all of their hard work to make this a trip of a lifetime. I will return.

Imana Ishimwe,

Paméla

Jessica White:

Rwanda is a stunningly beautiful country. The scenery, the animals, and most of all, the people. Have included some photos that myself and the group I was travelling with (World Dance for Humanity) took during our most recent trip. That is the short of it. If you’d like to hear the long of it, please read on...

In trying to articulate my recent trip, a quote came to mind that sums it up well. Gandhi once said, “You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others.” Travelling with World Dance for Humanity (WD4H) allowed me the opportunity to meet with the people and cooperatives that their efforts support. I was lucky to connect with many wonderful people who gave me so many beautiful memories, even though we hardly understood one another linguistically. Seeing the resilience of the human spirit through their stories and observing the joy and gratitude people can embody given unfathomable hardships was a life changing experience that I will never forget.

Empirical studies have shown that striving for a meaningful life has better outcomes than pursuing a happy life, and that there are 4 characteristics that contribute to meaning in one’s life experience. The first three characteristics that play a role in adding meaning to one’s life are what one might expect; Purpose, belonging, and being present in the moment. The fourth characteristic is one that might not be so obvious, and is one that the Rwandan people exemplify, namely storytelling. Specifically, it is the stories that we tell ourselves, about either our past experiences, ourselves and our capabilities, and what our futures can be going forward.

A couple years ago I met a man name Fredrick, a Rwandan who was visiting Santa Barbara. He shared his story (which he wrote a book on) of being an 11-year-old boy during the 1994 genocide, being pulled off a bus by the perpetrators and told to kill the other passengers on the bus. He wouldn’t do it, and instead of killing him as punishment, the rebels cut off both of his hands and left him for dead. He described waking up to a new reality, his anger, his despondence, his lack of a will to carry on and trying to take his own life as he didn’t want to live unable to care for himself. After failing at suicide, he found the strength to tell himself another story, to accept what was and to consider that perhaps his challenges were a part of a plan to make him a stronger man who had the ability to live his life to the fullest, as a man who had much to contribute through service to others and helping them find their potential.

The Rwandan people we met during this trip all have stories, any of which are more than enough reason to give up. Extreme poverty, hunger, traumatized victims of war, genocide survivors, aids victims, and orphans abandoned on the street, one might expect to find these folks bitter and hardened by life. Instead, you find people who are quick to smile, generous, and grateful. This was most impressed upon me during a visit WD4H had with a cooperative of women genocide survivors, all of whose husbands had been murdered and none of which knew if they would survive afterward as conditions for themselves and their children were so dire. Luckily these women came together and formed a cooperative to try and continue living. After WD4H was welcomed into a dirt floored hut and given gifts of soda pops and beautifully sewn purses, the cooperative leader shared the groups story. The room was silent as, through teary eyes, the leader quietly recounted the challenges they had faced and how they had nearly given up hope and the desire to carry on. She then said something I will never forget, which was: “You might mistake my tears for tears of sadness. You would be wrong. I am crying because of the fullness of what I have lived. I cry for the experience of it all and the joy I have in my heart for what my life has become. The way you leave us today is not the way you find us tomorrow. We are constantly striving, living, and improving. We are so grateful for that.”

That statement was profoundly beautiful to me and made me consider the stories we tell ourselves, namely how many of them focus on the lack, on not accepting what is, and on not embracing what could be going forward. How often do we hold on to fear, bitterness, disappointment, anger, or apathy towards things we cannot change? We all suffer hardships in our lives, some of which we allow to be obvious to others and some so painful or shameful that we bury them deep within ourselves and don’t let others see. Sometimes situations, people, or relationships don’t live up to the expectations we have of them. Sometimes you are hurt beyond hurt by the actions or inactions of others, sometimes you lose someone dear to you or relationship well before you wanted to, sometimes you feel hopeless as you’ve been beaten down so many times you don’t believe things could ever be different. Whatever the circumstance is, the pain is always proportional to the distance between what we want and what the reality is. Often we fight and are resistant to things we don’t like in our lives, rather than coming to acceptance and eventual transcendence.

The people I met in Rwanda taught me to look with acceptance and a sort of gratitude for the difficult things that have happened in my life, and the importance the stories I tell myself to reflect the opportunities and strengths that have resulted from these painful experiences. They also taught me the importance of forgiving the actions and people that have hurt you and looking at your fellow humans through the lens of love.

Another memory that will forever be etched in my mind is dancing alongside a team of Rwandan dancers, some who were pygmy and had come down from a hunting gathering lifestyle in the nearby mountains. As we were dancing, a little boy of about 7 or 8 years old shyly approached us and started to dance next to me a bit timidly, but with some serious moves! We started to dance together, and then committed to really let loose and dance together, and in that moment, I was fully present, feeling abundant joy and appreciation. To the rest of the world we looked very different, a young Rwandan boy wearing tattered clothing without shoes, and a grown white woman ("muzungu") from Santa Barbara, but all we could see in each other was a joy and smiles so big on each other’s faces that our eyes were both squinty and vision slightly impaired. Seeing our dance exchange, the young boys’ friends showed up to dance alongside us and I felt my heart grow 3 sizes. Though the children and I didn’t understand each other’s words, we stayed near each other during the whole of that visit, holding hands and sharing smiles, hugs, and spontaneous laughs.

Feel like I have found more of myself in during this trip and am more resolved to living a full life in bringing joy to others and helping folks reach for their full potential. Thought that was worth sharing, at the very least for the benefit of articulating these lessons and memories for myself. Another item worth sharing, if you would like a kick ass charity to support, I would wholeheartedly recommend World Dance for Humanity. To see firsthand the work they do and the lives they are changing has been an experience I will never forget.